Gone

There are some things you can’t associate with words
They are just,
Indescribable
Like the way I feel
It’s not just one thing
It’s a combination
An endless struggle within myself
Unmentionable feelings that eat away at me
Leaving only a hollow shell
Memories that best be forgotten
Resurface and scar
They drain me until nothing’s left
Forever rotting
As if life itself was tormenting me
But nothing can be done
It just builds and builds
The intolerable pain,
The pain of loss,
The loss of love,
The love of none
Moments of happiness come and go
But never stay for long
They disappear just as suddenly as they come
Nothing is constant
Only turmoil resides
I feel weak
I feel old
I feel empty
Looking back only makes it harder to go forward
The warmth is gone
Sleepless nights leave me cold and alone
I feel as if impending disaster is near
So close
But biding its time for the grand finale
Waiting for the perfect moment to strike
The moment to ruin my life
And yet make it perfect
I am scared yet anxious
Relieved for the end
But pained to watch it go
But the relief of being free is overpowering
The need to leave all the
Anger
Sadness
Disappointment
Heartbreak
Longing
Regret
Shame
Incompetence
Foolishness
And pressure
Behind